Expanding my family

Having a second child is something I am determined to do though my reasons for wanting one oscillate daily between absolute conviction on the rightness of such a step and worry about the disruption, albeit a happy one, which would visit our existing Trinity.

I worry a lot about the second child issue because I am getting on in years and I feel a sincere desire to get through a pregnancy now vs. later, if possible. I also worry about it because my toddler is growing older and I would wish his brother or sister to have as minimal an age difference as my husband and I can manage for him. It would help too, I think, if the second child were a boy. I feel strongly that though siblings of different sexes can love each other unconditionally, there is an even stronger bond to be had when they share the same sex for all the reasons you can well imagine. Though, don't get me wrong, I'd be thrilled to have a little girl.

I say disrupt the Trinity because that is what we have right now. My husband, my son and I have weathered the tempests of sleepless nights, impending food regurgitations, unexplainable crying jags (many my own), heart-wrenching colics and first-time air travel. Indeed, we are somehow and miraculously over the many upheavals new parents and their children can suffer.

I have, you could say, achieved a happy plateau of established routines, relative understanding of wishes and desires (as pertain to my son), enjoyment in my role as a stay at home mother, sharing moments with my husband and, a mesmerizing one could say, almost impossibly growing love for my child that exceeds everything I thought it could ever be.
I discover daily the person I am through letting my son be who he is and as my reward for this effort I think I glimpse the future child and he fills me with such wonder! I cannot even express...
In short, we are happy the three of us. Very happy and at peace. We have found our rhythm. Why would I want to shake this up?

I will continue searching for the fourth member of our family because my sister is my best friend and I would hope that my son will be able to call his sibling the same. My sister and I share a history that is populated with the kind of moments an only child could never have enjoyed. With fervor, I wish this same closeness of the heart and blood only siblings can achieve, for my son.

I will try to have another baby because quite frankly, babies are irresistible and everything that is good and wonderful no matter how much work or heartache they might entail along their growth. I long for another child. A smaller, more delicate bundle than the one my son has become. A baby who will look at me with those misty eyes and let me, once more, glimpse another future. The rhythm will come once more. We will be happy from the start, the four of us.