Calvin reinterprets the news

The other day, after reading some quotes by Bill Watterson of Calvin and Hobbes fame, I started to think about what Calvin might say upon reading certain headlines. The quotes and headlines below seemed like a good pairing. Tell me what you think.

40,000 planets could be home to aliens

Up to 40,000 planets could support alien life forms, scientists at the University of Edinburgh believe.

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us." — Bill Watterson

Headline and backstory at the UK Telegraph

Bush gets job offer as hardware store greeter

Texas businessman suggests the job will be less stressful than Bush's position as US President.

"Hold it! You know what I'd like to see? I'd like to see the three bears eat the three little pigs, and then the bears join up with the big bad wolf and eat Goldilocks and Little Red Riding Hood! Tell me a story like that, OK? " — Bill Watterson (The Complete Calvin and Hobbes)

Headline and backstory at the Guardian UK

Optimism is the cure for the downturn

Pessimism is the most serious cause for the global economic tsunami.

"That's one of the remarkable things about life. It's never so bad that it can't get worse." — Bill Watterson

Headline and backstory at the BBC

Modern humans are still evolving

Humans may like to think of themselves as a fully evolved species, but natural selection is continuing to shape our gene pool.

You know what's weird? Day by day, nothing seems to change, but pretty soon... everything's different." — Bill Watterson

Headline and backstory at the Los Angeles Times

Galileo puts us in our place

The astronomer proved we are not the center of the universe - now we need to start acting like it.

If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I'll bet they'd live a lot differently." — Bill Watterson

Headline and backstory at the Los Angeles Times

Talk is cheap but very sexy

But mastering sexy banter can lead to a delightful payoff.

Hey Susie Derkins! Is that your face, or is a 'possum stuck in your collar?" — Bill Watterson

Headline and backstory at the Chicago Tribune