A matter of importance

Day before yesterday, my son put those little hands of his on my cheek as I was writing a post. When he decided to take matters in hand so to speak, I had been futilely working for a while at getting some thoughts into this screen because I'd promised myself and you, that I would post every fourth day. First, he mashed our two noses together to the point where our eyeballs nearly touched and then, satisfied that he had my undivided attention, he spoke to me.

Mami, rrrmm rmmm, ca-rro, a-mión, chu-chu, ven? This is what I heard. My son's pidgin shorthand for come play with me. Ca-rro (car), a-mión (a mispronounced avión - airplane), chu-chu (train), ven (Come? Won't you play with me?). That is what I understood. I can tell you that he put a universe of longing into that ven.

I'll admit that for an instant, my impulse was to pass him off to my mother (who is here visiting) so that I could get back to the post. He wanted someone to play with - did it necessarily have to be me? Instead, when I saw the make or break look in his eyes, that microcosm of toddler comprehension, I realized that for other reasons, I had already done the same enough times in the last few days that by now, he knew what was coming. It cut me, that knowledge in his eyes.

So I changed my mind. With no regrets for the thoughts left unformed and unwritten, I answered: Sí, vamos, rrrmm rrmmm, carro, avión, tren! He heard and smiled. Forgiven I was, though with words he did not say so. Hand in hand, we left the kitchen for his bedroom full of toys and we played and played.

This is the reason I've left you for more days than I 'd promised. I thought you'd understand once I told you why.