Destination trumps the miserable journey

Photo by Wirallie

A few weeks ago a good friend told me that she was expecting her first child. Her happy news sent me into a tizzy of congratulations and had me radiating the kind of cherub-hued thoughts we women conjure when the talcum powder sweetness of velvety-cheeked newborns beckons.

Have I told you yet that the husband and I have been trying to procreate again? Well we have. It's been about 8 months now of actively recurring disappointment at the obvious discovery that we have not been very successful. No cross on the pee-pee stick means no pregnant rosy glow.

Rosy glow... hmmm... truth of the matter is that I had a sort of puce-y glow during most of my first pregnancy. Just plain wretched it was in terms of the abundance of geriatric-like ailments I became afflicted with. Come to think of it, by the time my baby finally decided to come out, I was 34 going on 80 and reserving the worst of my pregnant and crotchety-self for the one who'd been my partner in crime.

I don't believe for a millisecond those women who claim to love being pregnant. Quite frankly, being pregnant is about the worst physical punishment one can inflict on a body. The only thing that makes it bearable is the promised angel at the end of an excruciatingly painful and long-winded process - that holy grail of longed for maternity - a baby.

Every woman who has ever wanted a child has some archetypal knowledge of what being pregnant is like. That inherited understanding, compounded with the experiences most, as yet childless women, have had a chance to observe by the time they embark on their very own journey towards motherhood, should be enough to scare the beejesus out of the effort to maintain the continuation of our race. Still, what the brain remembers, the memory re-paints in baby tinted blushes. That is the reason we women suffer through the kinds of pain no man will ever conceive of no matter what they witness as loving partners or joke about in unexperienced ignorance.

I want another baby. I too want to phone a friend and communicate my unadultered if terrified joy at finding myself once more in the family way. Unbelievably, I want to go through nine months of body aches and constipation and endless rounds of night-time visits to the bathroom, impossible attempts to find comfort, to sleep! I want to see my ankles swell and my gait once more roll in mimicry of a ship at sea. I want more body hair in places where I can no longer bend to shave and newly exposed gray hairs to peep from my skull. I want the under-eye circles, the comfortable babushka shoes instead of my stilletos, the soft give of elastic instead of the tight belt around my waist. I want the swollen boobs, the bigger bras, the bed sheet dresses, the final pains and everything else I haven't mentioned but that comes with the whole process. Why? Have I told you yet that I want another baby?


  1. Wishing you a baby right now, fervently. Sometimes just taking a deep breath and letting what will be will be seems to help. Or drafting up some adoption papers. (That method has worked for more than a few friends. As soon as the adoption is finalized she finds out she's pregnant. That's a lot of babies all at once.) So here I am just hoping that your soon wearing those giant granny panties that pull up over that plump belly.

  2. Oh the things we want. But at least your husband can tell your son, "After what your mother did to bring you into this world, you are going to talk to her like that?" I guess we can all be grateful that some woman thought we were worth the pain; I'm sure the world population would be closer to 6 than 6 billion if babies depended on men willing for pregnancy and delivery. As it stands, we men definitely get the best 30 minutes of a pregnancy.

  3. Dear Cce: I know what you mean. I've heard those stories too about the chilling out and letting it go making it happen quicker than a lickety split. Here's to hoping your "fervently" does some good and a drink to the houseboat panties. Can't wait to shimmy my pregnant belly into them.

    Ron dear: aheemmm.... Only 30min?
    That fast huh?

  4. Uh, Ron...A whole 30 minutes? (Sorry, Gypsy, couldn't resist after your comment! Mr H, if you're reading this...I'm kidding.)

    I hope you get your baby, and soon. He or she is probably in there teasing you, making sure you really really want him/her. You might have a mischievous one on your hands.

    As you listed those pregnancy symptoms, I was mentally checking them all off. I remember every one, vividly. Especially the ankles the size of lampposts.

    I'm sending many good thoughts...

  5. Trying to have a baby is such a frustrating time.

    When I was trying for my second, I felt like everyone in the entire world was pregnant but me.

    I was happy for people but couldn't help feeling jealous too.

    Sending fertility vibes your way. Hope it happens soon. Hang in there.

  6. hey.
    it took me five years.
    hang on.
    God is picking the right angel for you.

  7. Just found your blog and related so much with your post. We got pregnant with our first baby right away, the first month...WOW...that's all it took? When it came time for number 2...She took almost a year. I remember seeing pregnant women and friends find out they were pregnant and had their babies...and we still didn't get that positive sign.

    It did happen and at the most perfect time. Hang in there...just quit trying...that's what we did and bam! ;)

    By the way, it was the most peaceful and nostalgic pregnancy...I didn't want it to end...not one complaint. We tried so hard...I wasn't going to complain!

  8. Hi - At 40 my first took 6 months of trying (oh how wonderful when you have no children and can spend all the spare time you have in the sack). They were a terrible 6 months because at that age you start wondering if you ever will get pregnant, if you've blown it, so to speak. At 42 my second took 8 months (a bit different trying to find enough time to do the business with an under-2 always at your ankles). They're right when they say the end bit's easier the second time around. My first was 36 gut-wrenching hours. The second was just 6. But they're wrong when they say you forget a difficult labour - you NEVER forget! Women are just gone-headed when it comes to wanting babies. Enjoy trying, Gypsy! L

  9. I have so many friends who are in this same boat right now...I was frustrated when trying for my second as well... At least you know what you're in for when it does happen, huh? Your description of pregnancy couldn't be more accurate! And I'm with ya - anyone who says they "LOVED" being pregnant is LYING!

  10. I am one of those "lying" women. I didn't just LOVE being pregnant but made it though VERY EASILY, especially after some stories I have heard. #2 will probably be exactaly opposite! I wish you good baby making vibes. I know time goes so slow when trying. There are a lot of mamas I know working on #2 or #3, maybe you'll be pregnant as the same time!

  11. A precious little one... I pray it comes true for you!

    After having our first daughter we struggled quite a bit. I also had a miscarriage at 13 weeks... very devastating! I will add... after many trials... what was meant to be... WAS!


  12. Hey GAH,

    I came here through your comments on my blog (thank you so much) and found a new favorite in your writing! I am putting you on my blogroll, you have a great way with words!

    As for the baby thing, hang in there. I tried and had miscarriages for a good while and then BAM INVITRO and twins and then a few months later after being told I wouldn't get pregnant, well you've read my blog...

    3 minions, THREE....

    Hang in there sister. :)

  13. Hang in there, you are a great mom and I know God would love to send another lucky child to be loved and raised by two wonderful parents like you and M.

    Sending you happy baby wishes,


  14. This post just made me smile... we are contemplating trying for another and you perfectly captured the pure lunacy of TRYING to get PREGNANT which must be the most miserable, exciting state to be in.

    Wishing you a double line...

  15. Dears Jennifer H, Kelcey, Chesca, Amy, Louise, Cole Mine, Erin, Carissa, Baby Island, Suzanne and Everyday Yogini. Your best wishes and sweet words of comfort have meant a lot to me. Thank you so much for reminding me to hang in there and keep on waiting for the perfect baby that is meant just for me. You guys will be the first to hear of any good news (after my family) I promise. Thank you for stopping by. Milena

  16. We're in the same boat, Milena. You take one oar, I'll take the other, and we'll get there faster maybe.

    I don't really know what that means. :)

  17. Hi! I found you through linkreferral and loved the first two posts I read (this is my second) that I added you to my favorites. Perfect commentary on pregnancy. I'm currently on month 7 of my third (another boy...don't think we will try for a girl again...I've heard of people with 10 boys and I don't want to go there). After feeling nausous and despondent for the first trimester, it's gone pretty good. My feet didn't bloat this time and I've managed to keep the backaches at bay by refusing to lift practically anything. I actually feel curvy and sexy right now...well, that is, until I go to bend down and try to pick something up, or try to pick myself off the floor if I've made the mistake of sitting down on it, or turn over in bed....

    Oh...and when the baby moves...you gotta admit that's coool! Especially in the stages where your tummy actually visably undulates and you can freak out (and become entertainment for) your children and husband and anyone else around to witness. Hope you will get the chance to experience that soon....while there are certainly challenges to having kids while having a kid, its exciting getting to share the whole process with them.

  18. Me too, me too. I want to wear slippers at work with impunity.

  19. Hugs! hope you find yourself pregnant soon!

    I'm one of those people you don't believe, i loved being pregnant, i told my friends id do it as a career if it payed well enough...that was until the labour of course!


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