All I can say is that if George spoke with half this little one's sense, we might not be in the pickle we find ourselves in.
From the Reader's Digest archives and taking a cue from Ron, who hit a home run with his own funnies today, here are a couple of jokes that made me laugh.
The male population of our office was visibly impressed - and shaken - by the arrival of curvaceous Rita, a new member of the secretarial pool. (Her desk, strategically close to the coffee machine, increased consumption and profits noticeably.) One morning, my office door burst open. There stood Harvey, a middle-aged appreciator of life's finer things. "My gawd Dick!" he exclaimed, his eyes wide. "You should see Rita today. She's wearing a see-bluethrouse!"
Richard N. Whittington (Glendale, Mo.)
We had quite a large wedding, and throughout the preparations I was understandably nervous. My fiancé, however, was the picture of nonchalance, allowing neither major problems nor minor details to ruffle him. He maintained his calm even during the ceremony. As I met him at the altar, he smiled happily and asked, "New dress?"
Carmen P. Santos (Alexandria, Va.)
While serving in a remote area of Southeast Asia, I wrote my wife of the long evenings, the shortage of books and music, and the abundance of winsome lasses. I mused that I might fill the lonely hours learning to play a harmonica, if I had one. By return mail came a harmonica. When I finally returned home, I was met at the airport by my wife, who said, "All right, first things first. Let's hear you play that harmonica!"
Capt. Bruce Simnacher (San Antonio, Texas)
Even though I've signed up for the National Do Not Call List say oh... about a billion times, I still get plenty of robot telemarketing calls every evening. Every once in a while though, there is the live, eager-beaver telemarketer at the other end of the line. Depending on my mood, this situation presents me with a golden opportunity to have some payback fun with someone who, almost invariably, butchers my name. Here's one memorable conversation I held with some poor fellow recently:
Telemarketer: May I please speak to Mely... mailen so and so...
Telemarketer: Am I speaking to Meelena?
Me: Could be...
Telemarketer: Are you Mailena?
Me: Like I said, maybe.
Telemarketer: That's OK. We want to speak to the lady of the house anyway about our...
Me: Don't you want me to tell you my name then?
Telemarketer: Sure, sure. What's your name?
Telemarketer: Ma'am? What's your name?
Me: Can't remember...
Telemarketer: You can't remember your name?Me: Some days I forget things. You mind telling me those names you mentioned before? Please?
Oh the pranks I have pulled. Sometimes I write them down so as not to forget them since they amuse me so. Anyway, this guy below wins my telemarketer pranking prize hands down. Don't know why I never thought of this. I'll definitely try it from now on though. I've got a toddler at home and he is all the built in sound effect I need.
How To Annoy A Telemarketer
So I have a new blog love to share. This girl writes with reality grit and keen powers of observation. In her posts, she spares nothing, not even herself when it comes to illuminating her stories with words. And yet, from everything she walks away a queen. Since I started reading her a couple of months ago, I thought that what Badaude has that makes her so charming, can be encapsulated in one word - style.
Anything done can be considered marvelous as long as there is an element of style don't you think? Did I say that she has it in spades already? She is also an accomplished illustrator and she blogs of her life in Paris. Do you really need to know more? Presenting... Badaude.
So who would have thought that I was big in German Star Trek forum circles? And all mind you because I had the one date with the gentleman below: